Before the Madness
by the-unwanted-daughter
Summary: A sort of prequel to No Turning Back. This is based off of flashbacks from the story. Harleen is a small girl with a terrifying past who is just trying to blend into the crowd. Jack is a hot headed punk, but is more than meets the eye. This is their story. Thanks to MinaHarkerBlack for the suggestion!:D (contains abuse, suicide attempt, and adult themes)
1. Chapter 1

"Harleen! Baby wake up! It's time for school!" my mother yelled from the kitchen downstairs. I rubbed my temples; her high pitched Brooklyn accent could shatter glass!

"Comin ma!" I screeched back as I sat up groggily, slowly opening my eyes I felt the familiar feeling of hate grow in the pit of my stomach…why am I still alive? Whose idea of a sick joke was it to let the weary and the weak live through their pathetic lives? I looked around the tiny, dingy room that I was held captive in. The nasty white walls were covered with grime, posters, and smudges from dirty fingers, my second hand book bag was crammed into the corner with all of my other necessities for school, my bright red converse were pushed up tight against the door, letting me know that no one came into my room last night… I pushed myself up from the small mattress on the floor, letting the cold wood floors wake up my sleeping feet. I've never really minded the cold, it was numbing, soothing almost.

Walking toward my closet I picked up the only pair of jeans to my name. They had holes in the knees and grime from severe wear and tear, but at least they still fit…I was at the point in my life where my curves were slowly becoming noticeable and the child like roundness of my face was slowly slimming down. I put my legs through the holes and pulled the worn fabric up my figure. The button barely slid through the opening, but laying down I could finally get them to close. I grabbed the first long sleeved shirt that my fingers touched and pulled the cotton fabric over my head. Staring in the mirror I noticed that my lips were fuller, and with a little eye makeup I could actually be pretty…but daddy would never allow it. I flipped my head upside down and pulled my hair into two high pigtails. After I had finished adjusting them just right and smoothing out my wrinkled Screeching Weasel shirt, I put on a fake smile, grabbed my book bag and threw on my converse hap hazardly.

I ran down the creaky staircase and into the kitchen where my mother was fixing eggs on our tiny gas stove. "Mornin ma." I greeted her as I grabbed a plate from the kitchen cupboard.

"Good mornin sweetheart. Do ya have everything ready for today?" she looked at me from over her shoulder. "Harleen, what is going on with your pants?"

I looked down toward my converse. The jeans stopped just above my ankles, showing off the many scrapes that I had accumulated over the years. I glanced back at my mother's face. The years had definitely taken a toll on her. Her tired eyes sagged heavily and there was a dark bruise that was beginning to form on her cheekbone. "It's nothin ma, a bunch of kids at school wear their pants like this…it's the uh…new style." I lied through my teeth. I hated lying to my mother, but there was no way that I was going to ask her for another pair of jeans. Money was tight and dad would be furious if he knew that mom had spent it on jeans for me.

She looked at me with sad, understanding eyes "Alright Harleen, whatever you say…" she sucked in a deep breath as silent tears began to roll down her cheeks.

I walked up to her and took the burning eggs off of the stove "Hey….ma…it's okay, I swear! Look, if I roll them up a little more they could pass as capris." I smiled at her and she touched my face, tears still pouring from her eyes.

"You shouldn't have to start your first day of 9th grade out with the same clothes from last year…" she looked down.

"What's wrong with my clothes?" I giggled "I love these jeans. Don't worry about me mom, I'll be fine." I hugged her close and put the burnt eggs on my plate.

"You're a sweet girl Harleen Quinzel." She smiled "but that doesn't mean that you can stand over the counter and eat! Go sit down!" she laughed, playfully swatting my behind with a dish towel.

"Alright, I'm a getting!" I laughed and sat down at the small fold out table in our kitchen. Looking down at the scarred plastic I couldn't help but feel sick. We used to have a wooden one, but last time my dad decided to teach my mom a lesson we had to get a new one. I swallowed the thick, rubbery egg and instantly felt nauseous. I looked up at the clock on the wall and squealed. "I gotta go ma! I love ya! See ya later!" I threw my plate into the sink and rushed out the door to catch my bus.

"I love ya too sweetie! Have a good day! Make lots of friends!" I heard her yell after me. I closed the door snugly behind me and began the short walk around the block to Paul Robeson high school. Taking my walk man out of my backpack, I put the headphones over my ears and drowned out the world for a while.

…..at school…

"Get out of the way, freak." Blaire sneered behind me, pushing me into a locker. My books flew out in front of me, falling all over the floor. Her and her pointy nosed gang of bitches have done this to me every year since 6th grade, taunting me endlessly about my family, my hair, my clothes…everything. I moved out of the way and watched her strut down the hallway. Her perfect black hair swishing behind her, moving almost as much as her twig of a butt did, made me want to pounce on her and rip every one of them out by each follicle. I looked down at my books, deciding whether or not it was even worth the effort to bend over and pick it up.

"Jeez…if that girl swings her hips any harder she's going to break something." A deep, sultry voice laughed behind me. I turned around and was face to face with the most beautiful man I had ever seen. His long lean figure was covered by a jean slasher vest and a misfits t-shirt. He was tall, almost a 2 full heads taller than I was, his brown hair was shaggy on top with tips of green and cropped on the sides….kinda like an undercut, he had a wide mouth that stretched into a kind grin, but his eyes…they were like green fire. Slightly manic, but I felt like they were burning me from the inside out, discovering all my secrets, causing me to feel naked and slightly embarrassed. He kneeled down and began to pick up my books "Hi, I'm Jack, what's your name?"

"Uh…uhm…I'm Harleen." I squeaked out and started helping him pick up my books. God what was wrong with me? I glanced at down at our shoes, he was wearing high waters too.

He noticed me looking and coughed uncomfortably and stood up. "You shouldn't let them push you around like that." He looked into my blue eyes.

I just shrugged and laughed "it's better than saying something back and getting called out in front of everyone." Obviously this kid was new if he thought that I could just say something to her and everything would get better.

He looked into my eyes like he was searching for something and I shivered. "Well, if you're not gonna say anything can I at least walk you to class and make sure they don't do it again?" I hesitated, then nodded and we began walking toward my 3rd period chemistry class. When I stopped in front of the door he smiled "Do you have this class too?"

"Yeah." I breathed; my stomach was doing flip flops. I had never had someone this attractive take an actual interest into what I was saying before.

"Cool!" he laughed "Maybe I could finally get a cute lab partner." He winked at me and I thought I was going to faint. I let him lead me into the room and I sat down at the lab table across from him, staring at his lean figure. He was so perfect, everything from his strong nose and chin to his choice of music. He glanced at me and smiled. I smiled back gently and then bit my lip and looked down at my notes. What the fuck am I doing? I can't like someone! If my dad found out that I was talking to a guy he would fucking kill me. Besides… who would like little, high water wearing, messy pigtailed Harleen Quinzel? I looked up at Jack again. He was looking at me…why is he looking at me? My cheeks brightened and I glanced to the board. Mr. Murphy was talking about chemical compounds, how different chemicals can be so beautiful and burn brightly…but can ultimately be dangerous. I opened my notebook and began to write furiously. I have to concentrate; everything is riding on me getting a scholarship… my dreams, my future, getting out of this hell hole. Everything.

A piece of paper slid across the table toward me. _'You're concentrating awfully hard for the first day' _the scrawled handwriting read.

I took the note and responded. '_I have to if I want any hope of getting a scholarship…' _I pushed the note back at him annoyed.

_'Whoa, sorry didn't mean to push any buttons…just trying to figure you out.'_ I glanced over at him and he smiled and put his hands up in surrender.

"Excuse me, Mr. Murphy?" the high pitched annoying squeal from the back of the class erupted. I put my head in my hands, I knew that voice. I turned back and received an evil smile from the head bitch in charge herself.

Mr. Murphy paused from his lesson and turned toward the class. "Yes Ms. Davenport?" He responded slightly annoyed.

"Harleen and … whatever his name is….are passing notes, and it's really distracting." She sneered. I put my head in my hands, great, just what I needed.

"I have a name ya know." Jack turned toward the annoying bitch in the back. "And why don't ya mind ya own god dammed business?" The whole class sucked in a breath. No one got on Blaire's bad side and heard the end of it. I glanced up at him. The term if looks could kill ran through my head. He was staring at Blaire with such disgust **I** almost felt sorry for her.

"Mr. Napier that is inappropriate language to use in my class room" Mr. Murphy chastised.

Blaire narrowed her eyes "Like I'd be interested in your name you freak." She flipped her dark hair behind her shoulder. "Any way does it look like I would take the time out of my day to talk to you anyway?"

"Jeez ya open your mouth and all I hear is 'blah blah blah'" he motioned with his hand "if you're going to open your mouth, at least try and sound intelligent. Ya know it's good for more than blow jobs."

Her mouth opened and the whole class went silent.

"MR. NAPIER, DETENTION THIS INSTANT!" Mr. Murphy's face had gone beet red by this point.

I glanced up and Jack and he winked. "I'm on my way. See ya after school doll."

Mr. Murphy looked at me. "Do you have anything to say?"

I glanced down at my notebook. "No sir." I squeaked. I couldn't get into trouble….if I did…who knows what dad would do. Mr. Murphy turned back to his lesson and a small paper ball hit the back of my head. I picked it up and read the message '_you and your little boyfriend are gonna get it.' _ I gulped and kept staring down at the white sheet in front of me, begging time to move faster.

…end of school…

"Hey, Harleen! Wait up!" Jack yelled after me. I stopped walking and turned around to meet the handsome stranger. "Jeez, 3rd period was…something huh?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yeah, it sure was. Thanks to you I have Blaire on my ass for the rest of the school year."

He looked down at me and smiled "Don't worry about her, as long as I'm around, she isn't gonna mess with ya."

"And who said that I want ya around?" I spat. I was beyond pissed. First this guy comes out of nowhere and starts talking to me, potentially setting me up to get killed by my father for even thinking about him and then he provokes the one bitch in school who goes out of her way anyway to push me into lockers.

His eyes widened and he threw his hands up in defense "Whoa, I didn't mean any harm. I was just having a bit of fun." I rolled my eyes and started walking faster; he easily caught up to me "Look, can I make it up to ya?"

"And how are ya going to do that?" I asked curiously.

"Well…maybe I could come over and help ya study or somethin?" he smiled and my knees almost collapsed.

"Uhm…no…I'm not allowed to have people over." I swallowed and started walking away.

"Well…we could meet at the library?" he pressed and I stopped staring at him.

"Look, I can't. Thanks for the offer, but you don't understand…I can't hang out." I huffed frusterated.

His eyes narrowed and he grabbed my wrist. I flinched subconsciously and he softened his touch, gently pulling it toward him, he slowly lifted up the sleeve and I sucked in a breath. Small yellow and purple splotches covered my arms from my shoulder to my forearm. I glanced up at him hesitantly; his eyes were unreadable as he examined my arm. "Did he do this?" he whispered. I nodded and gently took my arm out of his grasp. "Harleen…I"

I didn't stick around to hear the rest. I pulled my book bag tight and I took off toward the jail cell that I called home.


	2. Chapter 2

A loud slamming of the door pulled me out of my light slumber. He's home.

I shot up out of my bed and lightly tiptoed over to the bathroom, hoping that no one would notice me…slowly I lowered myself on all fours to the cold linoleum and opened the small cabinet under the sink. It smelled of Clorox and mildew...but it would have to do. I reached for the handle and crammed myself inside, closing the door tightly behind me. My heart was hammering inside my chest, why did he have to come home? I closed my eyes and began to listen.

His heavy steel toed boots scraped across the wood floors downstairs, alerting everyone in the house that the king of the castle had arrived. "LILLIAN, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE" he screamed. I sent up a silent prayer to god, hoping that my mom wasn't asleep…she knew what would happen if she wasn't awake when he got home.

I heard my mother's dainty footsteps timidly make their way to the monster and breathed out a shaky, relieved breath "Yes John?" she whimpered. I could picture her in my mind as clear as day. Her head tucked down, looking at the spotless floor, praying that she didn't miss a spot.

"The grass is looking long Lillian…don't ya think ya should cut it?" he mocked her whimpering tone with disgust.

"But…I just mowed the grass yester-" CRACK. I pulled my knees in tighter to my chest and pictured my mother with a new bruise to her face.

"Did I FUCKIN ask if ya cut it yesterday? No, I don't think I did." There was a soft whimpering sound coming from downstairs, which I presumed was my mother. "If I tell you to do something, you do it. No questions asked. It's the least you could do after I provide for you and Harleen…speaking of the girl, where is she?" My eyes squeezed tighter and my breathing sped up. I listened to the movement of his boots getting closer.

"John…she's sleeping…she has school tomorrow…please don't…not tonight…" she begged. The boots stopped and the air went cold. A loud crash erupted from downstairs, followed by the slow, hollow sobs coming from my mother. Tiny tears rolled out of my eyes. I pictured the dark haired demon stalking toward her and slowly grabbing her face in his hands

"Who the FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO? I'LL GO TALK TO MY FUCKING DAUGHTER IF I WANT TO, YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE." My mother let out a sob and the boots began to climb the creaky staircase. I heard the ominous slow opening of my door, then the angry slam of dissatisfaction. "Harleen, you have two seconds to get out here." The heavy boots were getting closer…I know that I should go out there, but I couldn't move… my heart was hammering in my chest and I was shaking in my pj's. The boots entered the bathroom slowly, the sound thundering in my eardrums, I closed my eyes and prayed to whoever was listening that he wouldn't find me. The boots stopped and slowly exited the room…I slowly began to relax my muscles in the dark, confining space, silently rejoicing that he didn't find me…but I was a fool...he always found me in the end. The cabinet flew open and I was blinded by the bright light of the bathroom. Grabbing my hair in fistfuls, he ripped me out of my hiding spot and threw me against the wall. "Good morning sunshine" he whispered in my ear. His breath was coated with the scent of alcohol and cigarettes. I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes, not wanting to see what was about to happen. "Did you miss Daddy today?" he put his nose against my neck and inhaled deeply. I gently nodded my head, hoping that it would appease him. His grip tightened in my hair and I was thrown into the side of the porcelain tub. "Then why are you hiding little girl?" I closed my eyes as the hot radiating pain escaped from my ribs. The pain threatened tears, but I knew that if I even one tear slid down my face my punishment would be ten times worse that what was originally planned. Daddy doesn't stand for weakness. I straightened up slowly and bit my bottom lip, trying desperately to stop the tears before they leaked over my face. The sound of his pants unzipping made me flinch and I slowly opened my eyes to see the dark haired monster coming toward me, eyes full of fire. He grabbed my throat and the world around me spun, everything went black.

…an hour later…

When my consciousness returned I heard the soft humming of my mother, and felt her gentle fingers running through my hair. This has been our routine ever since I was 8 years old. After my dad would leave me, she would come and find me, where ever he decided to leave me, pick me up and comfort me. I opened my eyes and stared into her eyes, the same blue eyes that I saw every time I looked into the mirror, they were red and puffy. I examined her face, there was a new bruise forming on her forehead, just above her eye. Her lip was split and there were grass stains covering her face, probably from where he continued his punishment after he was done with me. I slowly reached my hand up and touched her face, letting her know that I was okay, and that I didn't blame her for his actions. She cupped my hand in hers and kissed my palm. "Mommy?" I whispered into the darkness.

"Yes sweet pea?" she whimpered, a mixture of the pain of seeing me like this and her own battle scars.

I wanted her to tell her how much I hated him, how much I wished for death every day of my life, I wanted to scream and ask her why she didn't just leave him already…but I couldn't do that to her…so instead I just asked "Can ya stay with me tonight?" my voice was thick with tears that threatened to leak out of my eyes, but I wasn't going to cry… not in front of my mother... not right now. I looked up at her and she nodded her head and slid in next to me. Holding me close to her chest and humming a tune that her mother probably used to sing to her. I closed my eyes and snuggled into her, wishing that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

My ribs are throbbing against the weight of my book bag and the pain in my lower half is radiating through my whole body. I really hope that nothing is broken; I can't explain that to the nurse again…I glance around the crowded hallway, trying to get to third period without running into Blaire. Seeing an opportunity I sprint down the hallway, only to be met with the solid brick wall of Jack's chest. I glance up at him and he smiles gently. "Good ta see ya too."

I smile up at him, and then grimace. I'm supposed to be angry at him, why can't I just be angry at him? I push past him and took my seat. He sits down across from me, glancing at me every once and a while, he pulls out a stack of CD's. I cocked my head to the side and begin to read the titles. _The Adicts: Sound of Music, Descendants: Milo Goes to College, Social Distortion: Social Distortion, the Stooges: Fun House, Iggy and the Stooges: Raw Power, Bad Religion: No Control, _and _The Sex Pistols: Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols. _I glanced up at him "You listen to them?" I said with mild curiosity.

He chuckled and motioned to his Johnny Rotten t-shirt. "Of course, this music is classic!" he paused and looked at me "I noticed you were wearing a Screeching Weasel shirt the other day so I thought we could talk about music."

I looked at him and then down to my notes…this could be dangerous…if I got caught speaking to a guy, I don't know what he would do. I shuddered thinking of all the possibilities.

I heard him sigh as he tried to get my attention "Harley, I didn't mean to…embarrass you the other day…and if it helps, I won't talk about it unless you want me to."

I looked up at him and sighed, subconsciously playing with one of my pigtails "Look, Jack…you're a really nice guy…but I can't talk to you...if he ever found out…" I looked into his eyes and saw a mischievous little light flicker in the back of them.

"Can you really get caught here at school? Come on, what he doesn't know, won't kill him…" he leaned in closer to me and rolled my eyes and looked down at my hands.

"No, but what he finds out…will kill me…"I paused and took a deep breath. "And besides, why do you care anyway? It's not like it's your fucking problem to deal with." I whispered and looked back into his eyes, instantly regretting the words I just said. Underneath the punk exterior, I could see the pain that he tries to hide with humor, under the green eyes…there was the same look that I saw every time I looked in the mirror. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to …" I shut up and looked down at my hands again. Folding and unfolding them under the table.

I heard a small chuckle come out of his lips and I looked up at him "Don't worry about it doll, it just looked like you needed someone you could relate to." He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

I looked at him, and mentally kicked myself for the decision I was about to make. "I guess….what he doesn't know…can't hurt him…"

The biggest smile erupted over Jack's features. "Awesome!"

I smiled gently at him, wondering what I had gotten myself into now.

…later in class….

"What are ya talking about! Danzig was totally the backbone of the Misfits!" he breathed exasperated. We had been arguing about this subject for the last 10 minutes.

I giggled while lighting the Bunsen burner "You've gotta be kidding me! I mean, Danzig was great and of course I wish the band would have stayed together, but I think Graves sings just as well!" I smiled, egging him on.

He glanced at me and gave me a cocky smile "Really? Then where is ya puddin?"

I glanced at him confused. "Puddin?" what was he talking about?

He laughed "Ya know doll, the proof is in the puddin."

I rolled my eyes and cracked up "That is the worst joke I have ever heard." We both started giggling hysterically.

"Ms. Quinzel and Mr. Napier are we actually working on the assignment at hand, or are we just debating about famous punk bands?" Mr. Murphy asked with an amused smile on his lips.

I giggled and looked at Jack who was trying to contain his laughter. "Sorry Mr. Murphy, we'll keep it down and get focused." I sighed apologetically.

He nodded and began walking around the room. Once out of earshot I turned toward Jack and whispered "The whole Famous Monsters album is the puddin, Puddin."

He turned toward me with a huge smile on his face and snickered. "Now that's a good joke." and winked at me. "Well, now that I know your OUTRAGEOUS opinion on the Misfits, what do ya think about Sid and Nancy?" he glanced at me curiously while setting the materials around us on the lab table.

"Well, I don't think he killed her... I think he loved her too much to do that…" I adjusted my goggles on my face.

"Yeah, me too." He smiled and looked into my goggle covered eyes.

I broke the eye contact and looked down at my hands and began reading the instructions out loud. "Procedure: a wood splinter and hold until the top of the barrel turn on. for the flame. Take heat of the absence of carbon. a wet piece of cardboard vertically across a non-luminous flame making the end of the cardboard on the barrel top. Allow it to stay until distinct outline is obtained." I looked over the paper and began to watch as he performed the task. He was so concentrated. I cleared my throat "So…uhm….do you like chemistry?"

He smiled at me "Well…I like some parts of it." He tried to hide a small chuckle

"Oh, and what would that be?" I raised my eyebrow and smirked at him

He sighed "If I tell ya… ya have got to promise not to laugh." He looked at me with a smirk. I crossed my heart playfully and he continued. "I'm kinda…a Pyromaniac." He chuckled embarrassed. I raised both of my eyebrows this time. "Well, I like seeing what type of things I can mix to blow things up...it's actually really fun."

I snorted and glanced over at him "So you're a typical teenage guy?" I giggled

He opened his mouth with a look of mock horror. "Hey, ya said ya wouldn't laugh!" he snickered and then stared at me again, dead serious. "I hope ya don't think of me as the average jackass…"

I smiled and looked at his eyes. "Jack, you could never be average."


	4. Chapter 4

**_sorry for not updating for so long! work and school has been crazy! i promise to update more often!_**_**~ the unwanted daughter**_

"Ma, I'm home!" I yelled from the front door while peeling off my bright red converse and disposing of them in the shoe closet. Glancing around at the small dingy home I couldn't help but feel the overwhelming sense of dread in the air. It soaked through my skin and clung to my lungs like having a small weight on your chest. I walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for nothing in particular, just giving me something else to focus on besides the knot in my stomach. After a few moments of silence I called again "Ma…?" I stopped and strained to hear even the slightest notion that she was in the house. When all that returned was silence my heart rate increased as I took in my surroundings. The cabinets were open and the stove was still on. Odd.

I walked to the living room. Daddy's boots were by his chair and the blinds on the window were in disarray. My hair stood on end… something happened, and Daddy was home.

A loud thud erupted from the floor upstairs. It was all I needed have to confirm my suspicion. I slowly tiptoed upstairs to my mom's room praying that the floor boards beneath me didn't squeak under me. I hesitated at the top step…if daddy was with her and I was caught spying…it would mean another black eye, but I had to make sure my mom was okay… I closed my eyes and placed my ear to the wooden door and heard her muted pleas for mercy.

"Please John…it's just a misunderstandin'." She pleaded "I promise it was nothing more than a friendly conversation! He just asked me if I needed help." The image of my mother cowering upon the floor with his hot breath beating down upon her made my knees almost give out.

"What was the bastards name Lillian? Hmm? Are ya fucking him? Ya stupid little whore?" he seethed.

My breath was caught in my throat. Mom knew better than to talk to other guys…I heard her small whimper and pressed my cheek closer to the door, wishing that I could do something to defend her. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. "J-john…it's not what ya think…he just was asking me if I needed any help carryin' in the groceries that you sent me out to get. I promise." She cried. The monster on the other side of the door paused for a brief second and I held my breath…the only thing worse than his yelling was when he was silent. I sat utterly still, waiting and worrying about what was going to happen. One million possibilities flew through my mind before he finally spoke.

"Alright Lillian, I believe ya…" he purred. I could picture my mom relaxing into his false compassion "…but ya did upset me quite a bit today" I heard my mom hold back a sob and the flick of dads pocket knife. I squeezed my eyes closed and bit my bottom lip to keep myself from screaming out for help. It would do no good anyway…everyone knew what my mom went through every day. So instead of trying to get help I did what I have been doing for the last 15 years…I went to my room and cried.

…..later that night….

The sun had long since gone down and the house had finally gone quiet when I glanced at the small alarm clock on the floor by my bed. It was three in the morning. I have been staring at the ceiling for about six hours now, waiting for my mother's torment to end. The cracks in my ceiling were beginning to bother me, I was at the point in my thoughts were everything symbolized my life, and the huge, dark crack clawing its way through the popcorn ceilings reminded me of how shitty this hell hole was. Just like that stupid crack my life was jagged and being ripped apart at the seams. Finally not being able to stand the sight of it any longer, I pushed myself up from my grimy mattress on the floor and pulled my misfits sweater over my figure. I slowly pulled myself up from the hard mattress and examined my features in the mirror. My blue eyes looked puffy and stung when I touched them, and my split lip was throbbing and swollen, but the thing that I noticed about my reflection is how the girl in the mirror looked almost disappointed in the choice I had made earlier. The guilt I felt for leaving my mom when she needed someone has been ripping through my stomach for hours, but I had no more tears to shed, so I grabbed the little black ring box that I keep inside my pillow case and made my way to the window. Slowly pushing it open and quietly stepping on the roof I contemplated the fragility of life. One wrong move, one lucky misplaced foot and id hit the ground. I shook the thought out of my mind when images of my mother being alone drifted to the forefront of my brain. The rough shingles bit into my skin as I stood in only my sweater letting the crisp autumn air hit me and flow through my long blonde hair as if it was trying to comfort me. I sat down on the steep side of the house and opened the little black box. Inside it was a tiny razor that I had gotten out of a pencil sharpener. The blade glittered with a promise of relief. It was my dirty little secret and I loved it. Pushing the blade to the ivory skin on my wrist flashes of my bruises and beatings flew in front of my eyes. A cut for every hit, a cut for the guilt, and finally a cut because I loved the feeling of it. After the crimson was slowly flowing down my arm, I surveyed the new scrapes on my wrist and took a deep breath to steady myself. Thinking of the conversation Jack and I had earlier that day in Chemistry, how it seemed like we were almost flirting… My thoughts darkened. Why would he flirt with me? I'm nobody; just little used and abused Harleen Quinzel. I slowly lay back on the roof and stare up at the stars thinking of Jack and what could never be…

…and somewhere walking through the grimy streets of Brooklyn, Jack was thinking of her too, hoping for what could be.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Harley girl" the familiar voice bellows out from the end of the hallway. I turn around and I'm greeted by the crazy, yet comforting smile of that only jack could manage. My heart skipped a beat. His normally shaggy brown and green hair was all done up in liberty spikes down the center of his head, allowing me to see both of his electric eyes. I shivered and smiled at him as he strolled over. He was wearing a Rancid t-shirt that hugged his lanky figure just enough to see a faint outline of lean muscles that were hidden under the fabric, and a pair of ripped jeans that hung loosely at his hips and were tucked into a pair of gritty doc martins. "Are ya checkin' me out?" he asked with a wink.

Hugging my books tighter, I blushed feeling slightly more than awkward because I definitely was "Uh….no." I answered a little too quickly. Awkwardly giggling I glanced down at my tattered shoes, pulling the long sleeves of my red and black striped jacket further down my wrists, hoping to hide the new marks that were recently added to the collection. I glanced up at his face again praying that he didn't notice, but his eyes didn't miss anything. He reached out slowly and gently grabbed my covered arms, causing me to drop my books and pulled me toward him in a gentle, yet tight hug. Surprising myself I returned it, I realized how much I needed it. I pulled him in closer and buried my face in his shirt, breathing in the strong scent that was a mixture of cigarettes and something else that could only be described as him.

"How about we get out of here for the day?" he said with a sad smile tilting my chin up so he could see my face . "We can go anywhere ya want, my treat."

I pulled away from the hug and looked into his eyes. "But…won't we get into trouble?" I asked timidly.

"Have you signed into homeroom yet?" he asked with a mischievous grin creeping onto his features.

"Well, no…"

"Then they won't even know that we're gone" he grabbed my hand before I had time to talk myself out of it and pulled me down the hallway and out the side door of the building. At that moment I should've been thinking of ways to convince him to stay at school, but all that was on my mind was him holding my hand and hoping that someone would turn in my discarded books to the front office.

…later

Sitting in a dingy, smoke filled basement with someone who genuinely cares about you definitely changes your perspective on a lot of things. After getting over the intense paranoia and guilt that I felt for breaking the rules, I found that I was beginning to relax and enjoy myself, and I was extremely grateful that Jack didn't make me talk about my dirty little secret. He simply brought me home and tried to make me feel comfortable, and even though it wasn't the cleanest place, the soft shag rug and the comfortable couch felt like home. I ran my fingers over the soft ridges of the corduroy couch and pulled my legs up to my chest, placing my face on my knees I peeked over at him and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was, sitting beside me picking second hand strings on grungy old guitar, totally lost in the music, it made my chest tighten. I envy him. The way his long fingers flew effortlessly over the strings, and the escape that it brought him made me wish that I had something that could offer some sort of release.

As my thoughts began to drift to home and hoping that my mother was okay, I could feel my shell suffocating me again. My fingers dug into the fabric of the couch, the threat of tears hung over my eyes, and I could feel myself hyperventilating, but I was not going to cry. Not in front of Jack, or anyone else. I bit my lip hard to stop the tears before they could fall.

A warm hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles broke me out of my dark thoughts. "Harls…are ya okay?" he whispered softly beside was all it took. Before I knew what was happening a sob escaped my lips and I was clinging to him for dear life.

We sat there in that position for what felt like hours. Not talking, not moving except for his hand caressing my pigtails and the sound of sniffles echoing through the empty basement.

I finally sat up and looked into his eyes, feeling much better, but slightly embarrassed of that outburst. "I-I'm sorry Jack…I didn't mean ta…"

"Shhh Harley girl, ya don't have ta be sorry for anything." He grabbed my face in his large hands and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. Glancing down at my wrist he let go of my face and brought my covered wrist up to him, silently asking permission to expose my dirty little secret to the room. We sat there for a few minutes staring into each other's eyes, I, begging him not to judge, and he, promising me that it would all be okay. Slowly pushing up the loose fabric of my sleeve, I felt myself shaking with the fear of rejection. Each cut stood out fresh pink against my pale ivory skin, like deadly roses on cream sheets. He kept his face neutral throughout the whole experience. Every so often he would run one his pale fingers across the bare flesh, barely touching the skin underneath. He glanced up at my face and brought my wrist to his lips, lightly kissing the tiny cuts before pulling my sleeve back down to its proper place. I released a breath that I didn't even know I was holding when he finally smiled at me "There ya go, all better."

I stared at him with my mouth slightly agape. "I-I think I should go home soon, school is gonna be endin."

He gave me a sad knowing look and nodded "yeah... I'll walk ya back."


	6. Chapter 6

"So…he's just gone?" his voice full of hope as his emerald eyes glittered.

I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back in my chair. School chairs are so fucking uncomfortable. "I mean, I guess…he hasn't shown up in 2 weeks…." I pushed my thumbs into the chewed up holes in my sleeves, I've done this to all of my long sleeved shirts since I started cutting myself. "Who knows where he is…"

He reached over and tugged on my pigtail "Well, I'd say that it's a good thing…" his smiling eyes focused on me with a look that could almost be described as affection, but I doubt it. It had been 3 months since our chat in his basement, and I couldn't help but blush every time I thought of his lips touching my wrists, but he was probably just trying to be nice... My eyes lingered to his lips. Right now, they looked like pale pink bubble gum stretched into a wide manic grin, but the thing that always took my breath away was when he would hit me with the full force of his smile, with his pearly white teeth shining proudly behind them. Since that day, I can't tell you how many times my nightmares were replaced by fantacies of his lips kissing me in places that… "Hello….earth to Harleen." He snapped his fingers in front of my face

I tore my eyes away from his lips "oh…sorry, I zoned out. What were you saying?" I glanced up at him.

He raised a dark eyebrow "I asked what your plans were for your birthday."

I rolled my eyes and pulled my legs up to me. I always hated my birthday…

_"Wakey wakey Harley," I awoke to the cooing sounds of my mother, her light blonde hair glowing in the early morning sun streaming through the cracks in my tattered blinds. "Do you know what day it is sweetie?"_

_My eyes slowly opened to the sight of a single red balloon attached to a grimy brown teddy bear. I shoot up out of my bed and squeal with delight. "Thanks ma!" I clutched her tightly to me and then reached around her and picked up the dollar store teddy and gently touched its nose with my index finger. "I'm gonna name you…Lou" I was too young to notice the missing spots of fur, or the black oil spots that stained the grimy little bear, or the bruises on my mom's face that she probably had gotten when asking my dad for permission to get it. _

_My mom smiled as she grabbed my brush and began running it through my hair. "Now honey, we have to get ya cleaned up and looking pretty for ya big day."_

_I looked up into her tired blue eyes "Is Daddy going to be here?" I asked innocently._

_ The brush paused mid stroke before resuming. "I'm sure he will sweetie" my mom smiled. "Let's just get your hair finished and we can go downstairs and see if he's home yet." I sat perfectly still as she finished my hair and pulled them into two high pigtails on the top of my head. _

_Bounding down the stairs I couldn't wait for daddy to get home and see my pretty dress and my teddy bear. "DAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDYYYYYYY" I bellowed from the bottom step "Are ya home?" _

_"Harleen, don't yell in the house!" my mom fussed at me._

_"Yeah…I'm right here." A gruff voice erupted from behind me. I spun around quickly and look at the tall dark figure towering over me. _

_"Daddy! Ya home! I missed ya!" I screeched and threw myself at him, hugging his legs with my teddy bear in hand._

_"Yeah yeah yeah…Lillian, get her off of me." he kicked his leg out casuing me to fall on the floor and began his daily routine of taking off his boots and sitting on the sofa._

_Discontent with his reaction I tried again. Bounding over to the couch I sat beside him. "Daddy, guess what day it is. I'll give ya a hint…it's veeeeery special." I smiled_

_"Harleen…let's leave daddy alone while he watches TV…he's had a long night." She reached over to me, but was stopped by my father who looked down at me and smiled a slow, sinister grin._

_"What day is it Harleen?" he asked with false sincerity_

_"Daddy…it's my birthday silly goose." I giggled._

_"Oh is it really?" he placed his hands on his knees and leaned in real close to my face. _

_"Yeah!" I squealed with delight that he was finally excited for me. "Wanna see what I got?"_

_"Sure." He breathed_

_I brought out my little grimy teddy bear from behind my back and presented it with glee. "Ta-Dah!" I shouted. He reached out and grabbed the small stuffed animal out of my hand._

_"Oh Harleen….this is the ugliest thing I've ever seen" he laughed._

_I frowned "No it is not!" my bottom lip began to quiver._

_He cackled "Yes it is, but I can fix it."_

_I cocked my head to the side. "How daddy?" I asked sniffling._

_"Like this" he laughed as he grabbed the head of the teddy and ripped it clean off. "There, all fixed." He replied handing me the headless bear. "Now take that trash and go to ya fuckin' room. Ya should know better than to start talkin' to me after I get home from work!" _

_Staring at the beheaded bear in my tiny hands I hung my head with tears dripping down my cheeks, and walked upstairs._

I glanced back up at Jack. "Nothing, I'm not doing anything for my birthday."


	7. Chapter 7

**this one is kinda short, but i thought i'd throw in a little fluff:3**

"Harleeeeeeeeeey… Harleeeeeeeey….HARLEY!" a voice bellowed at me from my window, waking me up. I glanced toward the place the voice had come from, but it was too dark to see anything. Cautiously I moved from my bed and picked up the nearest blunt object I could find. Inching closer and closer to the window I could barely make out a solid figure that was cupping its hands and trying to look inside. My heart thundered in my chest. There is no way in hell that whatever it is, is going to come in my fucking room. Cautiously raising my weapon over my head I threw the window open and struck the figure…hard. "OW! What the fuck was that for?" the figure questioned

I knew that voice. Slowly lowering my weapon I leaned in closer to the black mass squinting, trying to get a better look. "Jack? Is that you?"

"No it's the fuckin' tooth fairy…of course it's me. Why the hell did you attack me with a stapler?" He griped

I looked down at the weapon in my hand…hmm..so that's what I grabbed. I rolled my eyes "Why the hell are you on my roof?" I whispered while watching him struggle through the window "jesus, are ya okay? I coulda fuckin killed ya!"

"Touché and yeah, I'll be fine. Just help me in will ya? I gotta talk to ya for a second." i sighed and grabbed the arm of his leather jacket. Finally getting him through the window, I led him to the mattress on the floor and laid him down.

"Are ya sure I didn't hurt anything?" I asked while examining the top of his head.

"Just my pride…" he mumbled.

I leaned down to him "What was that?"

"Nothin'" he laughed and I noticed his eyes slide down my figure. I glanced down. I was wearing my screeching weasel shirt and a pair of white cotton undies. I squeaked and covered myself with the thin sheet of my blankets. He blushed and cleared his throat while struggling to sit up. "So…Uhm…nice..." he swallowed and looked around my tiny room. "Lamp you got there." he motioned over the the shitty little lamp in the corner of my room.

We both looked at each other and dissolved into a silent fit of hysterics. "Nice lamp?" I giggled.

"Yeah I know, I panicked." He shrugged and smiled. "I just wanted to drop by and give ya somethin' for ya birthday." He pulled a tiny black bag out of his leather jacket pocket and placed it on my lap. Gently opening the bag I pulled out two soft, shiny satin hair bows, one black and one red. I glanced up at his glowing eyes "Happy birthday Harley girl." He smiled.

I threw my arms around him and tackled him back down to the mattress. "Oh Jacky, I love them!" I squeezed him and felt his laugh rumble through his chest.

Sitting back up he grabbed my hands "Good, I'm glad." He whispered while rubbing my knuckles with his thumbs. "But, that's not the only reason I was over here." He looked into my eyes and licked his top lip nervously. "Harley…I've been thinking for a while…and I uh just wanted to know…if ya wanted to…ya know..be my girl?"

My smile slowly turned into a frown. "But…why?"

A confused expression crossed over his features. "What do ya mean why?"

"Why me? It doesn't make sense." I folded my hands into my lap, studying the new, beautiful satin bows

"What do ya mean it doesn't make sense?" he tilted my chin up and met my eyes. "Harleen Quinzel, any guy would be lucky to have you on his arm. Okay?"

"But.."

"No buts. Butts stink, well, not your butt...it's actually kinda cute." He grinned as I rolled my eyes, but then his face turned serious. "Can ya just answer me doll? I've been tryin to ask ya now for a month, and i'd rather not wait any longer."

I took a deep breath. There are so many things that could go wrong with this…what if my dad found out..what if it was all a joke and I got laughed at…but Jacky wouldn't mess around with something like that. I mean come on, its Jack we're talkin about. I looked up into his deep green eyes and sighed. "Well..."

"oh come on Harls, ya killin me kid." He jokingly griped

I giggled "fine, but on one condition…"

"oh dear jesus…what?"

"Next time ya wanna come crawlin through my window…let me in on it 'kay?" I smiled up at him, and silently prayed that it'd all be okay.


	8. Chapter 8

**sorry guys! i know, i'm trying to update every day but i have been in and out of the hospital :/ being sick is no fun. But since i have more free time now, expect to see a new chapter (or two tomorrow) love, the unwanted daughter**

I never really put too much emphasis on looks, my mother always taught me that beauty was on the inside, but looking at the girl in the mirror I could hardly believe that it was me. Her thick blonde hair was pulled up into high, bouncy pigtails accompanied by two satin bows on the top of each, the childish roundness to her face was slimming down, but not so much to where she looked angular, and there was a happy gleam in her blue eyes that matched the happy smirk on her face, something that I haven't ever seen before. Her curvaceous frame appeared small and soft, but it was well toned due to the gymnastics classes that I have been taking with Jack's mom. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't give me some satisfaction that I finally looked like I belonged with Jack, someone strong and confident to stand by his side when Blair and her gang of bitches decides to try something…The visions of me bashing her brains in with my IB Biology book never ceases to make me laugh.

I took a deep breath. Life has been good for the past 7 months. Daddy still hasn't set foot in Brooklyn, mom has opened up her shell a little and is actually 'talking' with Rick, the next door neighbor, she calls it talking I call it flirting, and I am dating the most wonderful man on the plant. I glanced at the clock.

_12:00 am_

I smile even wider. He should be showing up soon.

Pulling myself off the ground I tiptoe over to the door and placed my ear against the hard wood. Not a sound could be heard from the world beyond my room. Opening the door slightly I poked my head into the dark, vacant hallway just to make sure mom wasn't walking around. I couldn't even imagine that horrifying outcome that would be if she walked in the room and Jack is climbing through my window… Satisfied with the darkness and the silence I walked back over the mirror and sit down in front of it, simply waiting for his arrival.

A black shadow in the corner of my mirror catches my eye. The moment I attempt to turn around and find out what caused the shadow, a large hand is wrapped around my neck and pushing me to the wall. I try to scream out for my mom, but the masked figure is cutting off my air supply. Thinking quickly I look for some sort of leverage that will help me return the air to my lungs. Placing my hand on the little bedside table beside me I lean into the wall and kick my right foot out as hard as I can, making contact with the figures abdomen. The large mass falls backwards onto my mattress with a muted _THUD_. I grab one of the pens off of the floor and quickly place my tiny foot on the attacker's chest and pin him down to the mattress. Placing my pen at his adam's apple I lean in closer, I can feel the adrennilne coursing through my veins as I apply pressure to the soft bob of skin. Slowly I lower my face to his and press my lips against his, capturing them in a passionate kiss.

"Not bad Harley girl, not bad" the tall figure let out a wheezy laugh, still winded from my kick. "You're gonna kick your dad's ass if he ever tries anything again." I climb up and straddle his lap taking off the ski mask. Finally able to see his beautiful features I beam at his praise, his green tipped hair sticking to the sides of his face while the black makeup that he used to blend his eyes into the mask is running down his pale skin. I giggle and begin wiping the cheap Halloween makeup from underneath his eyes. Looking into his magnificent orbs I can tell that he truly believes that I could do this, but I wasn't so sure. I mean let's face it. My father scares the crap out of most of the apes at the bar, to think little Harleen could take down this monster of a man was unlikely.

"Ya think so Jacky?" I asked timidly looking at my fists, trying to imagine them hitting someone who is that solid was crazy, but Jack was always one to believe in the possibilities that crazy situations could happen.

He lifted his torso up and leaned back on his elbows, his expression turned serious. Something that only happened when we was deep in thought. His eyes connected with mine and he smiled a sincere smile "Of course I do Harls."

I ran my fingers slowly through his dark locks and watched as the muscles in his face relaxed, I'll never understand why guy love that so much. His eyes drooped as I began massaging his head. He looked so vulnerable like this. The "tough guy, don't care" mask slipped and just for a moment, Jack could let his guard down. "Your hair is getting long" I smiled as he gave me a lazy grin.

"Yeah? I was thinkin' about growing it out some." He ran his hands along my thighs, warmth pooled to my core as his long fingers played with the hem of my night shorts.

"mmmm? That'd be…cool….hey Jack…could I ask you something?" I stopped massaging his head and rested my hands on his shoulders. I really didn't want to ruin the mood, but this question has been bugging me for days now.

"Yeah doll, whats up?" he questioned, still laying back. Totally at ease.

"What was your father like?"

Even though his eyes remained shut and a faint smile was still on his lips, I felt a change in the air as his whole body went stock still. "He was…" he sighed. Opening his eyes, he pulled me down so I could lay on his chest. "To keep it short and sweet Harley, he was an asshole. He skipped out on us when I was 3 without a word to my mom. Taking the money, and the hope for my college with him." I put crossed my arms and rested my chin on them so I could look into his eyes.

"That's horrible…"

"Yeah I guess. He came back once…that was real bad." His eyes were vacant, like he was off on some faraway place that only he remembered.

"What happened?"

"He got drunk, like always, and started beating up on my mom…I didn't like that. So I kicked his ass and sent him on his way. I was about 12 at the time, but I've always been a fighter" he winked. I could picture it all in my head too clearly. Angry, drunk dad coming home and beating up the mom was a story that was too often told in the Quinzel household, but unlike Jack…I never did anything to defend my mom.

"Jack…" I climbed off his lap and sat beside him on my floor mattress.

"Yeah doll?" he brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear and kissed the corners of my mouth.

My whole body shook with pleasure. It's amazing how one little touch could drive you over the edge. "will you stay with me tonight?"

"of course." I turned off the lamp and snuggled under the sheets with him. "Hey Harls?" his voice gentle, and cautious made my heart skip a beat… I have heard that tone of voice before in every movie. Its right before the 3 words. I held my breath, not quite able to figure out what I was supposed to say if that was what he intended.

"Yeah Jack?" I breathed

"I…" he paused, uncomfortable, before sighing and shifting closer "need more blankets."

I giggled, relieved, and snuggled in closer to him, pressing our bodies together like spoons. Before long, he was lightly snoring in my ear. I turned and faced him, kissed his nose, and closed my eyes wondering if I did really love him.


	9. Chapter 9

A loud slam of the door woke me up. No…it can't be…

"Jack…jack…wake up!" I whispered fiercely. The large boots tromped through the house, their echo reverberating through the halls. I shook Jack harder.

He stirred restlessly. "hmm? Babe, what's wrong?" his hair stood up in every direction, making him look like a disheveled little kid on Christmas morning. He glanced up at me and smiled.

"You…you have to go." I whispered getting his boots and putting them on the roof outside my window. The footsteps below stopped just at the bottom of the stairs. A look of hurt and confusion washed over his features. I glanced towards the door, the loud boots began their slow climb, my whole body started to shake. I tiptoed towards Jack with a pleading look; I didn't want him to have to see anything that my father was capable of. "Jacky…please, I don't want ya to see what's going to happen. He is gonna kill both of us if he knows that you are here." I pulled him up from the bed and towards the window. Placing my hands on his shoulders I reached up on my tiptoes and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Im not going to leave you to deal with him alone." He whispered pulling me close. The footsteps were right at the top of the landing. "Im going to wait on the roof, after he checks on you come outside and we…we'll go somewhere, together." He looked into my eyes, begging me to come with him.

"Jack I … I can't..." the handle on my door knob started to turn.

He gave me a look that broke my heart, the look of a broken man. I swallowed the hard lump that was forming in my throat and nodded before climbing under the covers just in time for my father to open the door. The monster stalked over to my sleeping figure and sat down on the edge of my mattress. With the covers over my head I couldn't see him…but I could feel him. His present was like ice cubes, slowly sucking all the warmth out of the room and leaving me shivering like a leaf in autumn. I felt him lean over and press his nose to my hair, inhaling my scent. The scent of alcohol wafted through the sheets and stung my nose. Slowly he pulled the sheet down my body, exposing my uncovered legs to the chilly air. I squeezed my eyes tighter and prayed that whatever he was going to do would end quickly. He placed his large, calloused hand on my calf, sliding it up slowly toward my thigh my whole body shivered with fear as he reached the edge of my night shirt.

"John?" a small voice squeaked from the doorway.

The hand froze. "What the hell do you want Lillian." Slowly opening my eyes, I could see my mother standing at the other end of my room with a baseball bat in her hand. She looked like she was about to keel over, but her eyes had a look of determination.

"I w-want you to get the hell away from my daughter." She managed to stutter.

A loud bellowing laugh erupted from my father's throat. "Oh yeah?" he stood up and walked over to her. Pressing her up against the wall with his body weight he got right in her face. "And what the hell are you going to do about it?" SLAP. A loud echo reverberated off the walls. My mother's face was just as shocked as my fathers at what she had done. He grabbed her face with his massive hand "You're gonna pay for that YOU BITCH!" he screamed in her face.

"Harleen, RUN!" She screamed. What happened next was a blur. I shot up out of bed and toward the window where Jack was waiting. Throwing the frame up I managed to climb out and slide all the way to the edge of the roof. I looked behind me, my father leaned out the window and started to make his way onto the roof.

"GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE HARLEEN! NOW." He bellowed from the upstairs window.

"Harley! Jump! I'll catch you baby, just jump." I heard jack yell from the blackness. Without any thought behind my actions, I jumped and prayed that death, or jack would catch me before my father did.


End file.
